I probably should tell you about the hotel with the proud name Hydramis Palace. The tour operator advertised it as a 5-star, but obviously, it's actually considered a 4+. By the way, the hotel is named after an ancient city.
In general, all these stars are a confusing thing. Wikipedia enlightens us that there usually isn't even a unified rating system within a single country, let alone an international one. So figuring out how many stars there actually are, and whether there's any real use for them, isn't easy. Like, a five-star hotel must always have a doctor, a hairdresser, and all that stuff — but what use is that to me? For instance, ours had a gym — but I didn't see a single person in there once. It makes sense: who in their right mind on vacation, and in such heat on top of that, is going to pump iron and run around when you could just take a dip in the sea?
In any case, it's better to check reviews on the internet, which, by the way, we did. The reviews were generally positive, but there were few of them and not in English. I must say that the hotel consists of several buildings, and along the perimeter runs a pedestrian path planted with trees and bushes on all sides. Overall, there's a lot of vegetation in the hotel, which is great — it's pleasant and creates an atmosphere of rest and relaxation, just like in the movies. On the official site you can check out lots of pics and even 3D panoramas if you need that for some reason, but I'll throw some in too, just in case. So, first things first, we walked down to the beach, and it threw me into a mild stupor. Basically, a classic case of elvism. After all, Tanya had warned us that the northern coast of Crete, where most hotels are located, isn't exactly famous for beautiful beaches; the sand looks gray, the beach strip is narrow, and there are rocks on the shore. They say it's so it doesn't erode. But our initial scare quickly passed — eventually, we can see pretty little sand in Jūrmala too, and Crete has plenty of its own interesting stuff, including inside the hotel.
As you can see, our shore is protected by a cape. And what does that mean? Wikipedia comes to the rescue once again
The presence of a headland causes a large part of the wave energy to be transferred to it.
By the way, freaking Wikipedia deleted the article about my favorite porn model Andrea Spinks, but soon this will cease to be a problem. I hope. Actually, it's weird that nobody has done this yet — "startup kitchens" have been proposing to implement this for ages. And the dough would flow like a river — there are millions of fans wanting to know where Harry Potter's pimples were located and exactly how many times Bender stepped into the suicide booth. But Wikipedia doesn't always give them this opportunity, deeming such articles "insignificant". Proponents of including everything say a server isn't paper: it can endure anything, and even a little bit more. Proponents of exclusion bring up mobile devices and the cluttering with links to useless stuff and disambiguation pages. Obviously, everyone is right, but what prevents conveniently storing the deleted stuff and making levels of importance is a mystery.
I don't really like making silly generalizations of an ignorant tourist, but since I made them in my posts about the USA, why stop now. Cretans love everything white-and-cream, clay-and-limestone. This will be proven by subsequent photos of new shacks and ruins.
Of course, primitive culture isn't just in Crete. It's everywhere — just look at the assholes protesting against the collider (a certain Stillavin distinguished himself here; for obvious reasons, there won't be a link). Or even simpler — open any newspaper and check if there are horoscopes in it.
My room is to the right and back, fairly close. Down on the right is the cafeteria. Of course, it's more of a decent restaurant, but does the name change the essence? Now I've actually started to think that yes, it does. Even though the meanings of these words are similar, they aren't identical and they make a different impression on the readers, which is important, at least in serious articles, if not in travel notes. On the other hand, it's hard to pick exact words when I usually express myself with utmost sarcasm, you could even say I go quite a bit overboard, much like a certain notorious doctor. So make some allowances: everything I say isn't exactly a dry presentation of facts. It's more like a canvas of scribbles, meant to entertain you rather than enlighten you. Though, I've already written about this.
As they say on the secret lepra, a picture for the query "Peddling entertaining stories that have a tangential relationship with reality".
Hotel complex mockup
Finally, a general overview, although I doubt that anyone will actually bother to study and peer closely at it.
On the far left edge is the national highway running along the entire northern coast. To the right is the path leading to the hotel, the parking lot, the lobby, and my room (142) is in the wing closest to us. Then the cafeteria with fountains, a path with plants leading to the pool and the pool bar, and the pool itself. Finally, on the right edge is the sea. An attentive reader will notice that there are also rooms with private micro-pools, although their usefulness seems dubious to me. The square puddle in the top right corner is the kiddie pool.